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Hello, I am Ms. Smith, and I am your sex therapist today. Would you like to talk me through what your concerns are? You're worried you have a small penis? Not to worry. You're in good hands. So, you're worried about the size of your penis. It's understandable. Lots of men are. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Porn gives people a very warped sense of what the size of a penis should be. I'll bet you watch too much porn, don't you? Is that why you think it's too small? No? Okay. It's probably not as small as you think it is.

Now, my therapy may seem a little unorthodox, but it really helps if you work with me. What I'm about to do is to ask you to show me your penis. Don't worry. I'm a professional. I'm not going to laugh. So, when you're ready, unzip your trousers and take down your underwear. Ready? Oh. My. Goodness! I realize I said I wouldn't laugh, but... I can't help it! You have got such a tiny penis! You should definitely be ashamed about that tiny little thing. I mean, that thing is so small it doesn't even deserve to be called a penis! I'm just going to make some notes in your case file... teenie... tiny... willie. Needed my glasses... and magnifying glass. Hmmm... what exactly shall we do with you? I mean, only a loser would have such a tiny, little willie. How does it make you feel when women laugh at it? Does it even work?

I see in the referral that you have a fetish for women with big bottoms. So, I'm going to tease you with mine. At least this way we'll see if it really works. Go on. Wank it! Finger and thumb -- that's all you require. Or, actually, you don't really need all that! You can just prod it it with your finger. Yes, that's it -- prod it! Goodness! Is it any bigger? I don't think it is! How embarrassing for you! Are you done? Is that all?

Well... let me take a look at my notes. Hmmm... I think it'll be easier for you if you'll come to terms that this is going to be your life from now on. It'll be easier if you just accept that embarrassment, humiliation and awkward silences are the way forward for you. I don't think I can help you. Nothing, and nobody, can fix that.