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Loser Resolutions for 2025

A new year, a new chance for you to prove just how pathetic you really are. Fresh resolutions? Yours should be to obey harder, pay more, and sink deeper into your rightful place beneath me. The calendar changes, but one thing stays the same—you’re weak, desperate, and addicted to serving me. Pay up, loser. It’s time to start the year off right.

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