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You catch me on the couch surrounded by bags of chips, when the two of us are supposed to be headed to the gym. I ask you to sit down and talk. Remember how when we moved in together we promised to support each other’s fitness goals? We even confessed our trigger foods to each other and promised not to bring them into the house. I told you how I can’t resist chips and other salty, fatty, fried snacks. Once the bag is open, I have to finish it. Meanwhile, you told me that if I ever started baking again you would blow up overnight. Well, imagine my surprise when I started finding the pantry constantly stocked with all my favorite chips and snacks. You’ve been fattening me up for the past month and I’ve already gained ten pounds! My six-pack abs have been replaced by a roll of jiggly fat! On a hunch, I snooped on your computer and I found all your feeder porn. I know you’ve been making me fat on purpose. I’m not mad, though, because I have a feeder fetish, too! This is great, because now the two of us can feed each other and get fat together! What? You don’t want to get fat yourself, you only wanted to make me fat? Sorry, honey, that’s not how this works. If you don’t agree, I’ll just fill this house with so many irresistible sweets that you’ll turn into a blimp before you know it. Look, I’ve already started – I baked your favorite chocolate chip cookies! Now, why don’t you sit back and eat them while I tell you all about what our new life as a fat couple is going to be like…